reminders of what i will be like as a parent, friend, girlfriend, wife, etc.
communication is key and i'll admit i usually have a difficult time with it. anything outside of my personal life i think my communication skills are at a pretty good level for someone my age. however, when it comes to things that are personal and meaningful to me (relationships with others) i can get a little sensitive and emotional.
growing up i've always been cautious about trusting people. i don't know why, but looking back it seems that i've always been like that and there was no specific negative moment triggering that characteristic. i think it's just always been apart of me.
works in both good and bad ways.... since i'm already cautious of trusting others. those i do chose to trust and they in fact betray or lose that trust drives me that much further away from trusting others. to date, there is only one person i can really call my best friend and he is also my boyfriend. which i am forever grateful for. but in the past maybe 2 1/2 years those that i have identified previously as best friends simply have blurred away. nothing negative or a horrible falling out as occurred, i think it's just apart of growing up. at least that's what i like to think because then that would mean there's something wrong with me that i am not aware of.
nevertheless, communication is hard for me with those that i love. i think that's why i have a hard time talking with my parents. i feel like communication with my mother is so difficult to do regular things in life, like plan a family holiday celebration event. she reacts to aggressively to things and it seems that she thinks the whole world is against her and she has issues that can't be fixed.
i know the relationship with my parents has always been difficult and different in comparison to everyone else. but i've come to accept that everyone sets their own expectations from those in their life. i definitely value and appreciate my relationship with my parents despite the flaws. but, i know when the day comes that i decide to get married and start my own family my expectations from my husband and children will be very different.
over the course of the past year, my expectation of a marriage and creating a successful life long commitment with someone has definitely changed. i've come to realize how much really goes into it and what i know i will need from my life partner. and i know for a fact that i will make that clear to my husband before he proposes. just like how i will have high expectations from not just myself but my husband when we decide to have children.
age means nothing in all of this, everyone matures and experiences things at their own pace. which is why i know for a fact i don't see myself getting married anytime soon because i'm not even ready to hold myself up to my own standards haha.
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