it would be naive for me to think that he wouldn't be capable of breaking my heart. as much as i love and trust him i would like to hope that i will not fully give myself to someone until we are married ....as god as a witness.
maybe that's what has been missing in my thought process on love. the only person that will be deserving of every piece of me will be the one who asks me to share a life together, one who dedicates every piece of his being to our marriage.
until that day comes i don't think i can give myself 100%. i know right now i give a very large percent of myself to someone currently but maybe that's the thing that has been holding me back and causing me to question my own judgement and inducing more craziness ---- simply because the only person deserving of everything (good, bad, ugly, etc) is the person whom i CHOOSE to call my husband... my partner for life. the person that i start a life with.... with all our loved ones as witnesses.
a part of me thinks this is me taking another step in growing up. and that i shouldn't let the little things get to me anymore because it doesn't matter. it will only matter to the that person.
after all .... i am willing to gladly accept the (part of the) role as a woman and wife that society places upon us as women ... would it be wrong of me to expect my man to fulfill the role as the care taker ? I know it's a team effort but I want to be with someone who can take care of me and I of him.
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